A basketball that got away and a smashed television set could have led to anger and recrimination, but thanks to the lessons of the Strengthening Families Program, a family found a way to come together through open and honest communication. Neil White, who tells the stories of Children’s Trust, details how the program worked for the Wilson family.
Henrietta Wilson was stunned when she walked through the door of her home last spring after a full day of work at Publix.
On the floor was her smashed 65-inch television. Standing nearby was her grandson TJ with a basketball in his hands. TJ quickly tried to explain, but Henrietta told him to wait while she went upstairs to collect her thoughts.
The two were participating at the time in the Strengthening Families Program (SFP), a 14-week program for families with children ages 6 to 11 that helps parents and caregivers improve parenting skills, develop positive discipline practices, stay resilient in tough times, reduce conflict, and assist children with social skills, relationships, and school performance.
Henrietta knew this moment was a real-life test of her new skills. She understood screaming angrily wasn’t going to help the situation.
“I was just sitting upstairs thinking, ‘Lord, give me the strength.’ And right then, I started understanding the program,” she said. “It began to kick in. Is he hurt? The TV’s not on fire, and the house is not on fire. So I came back downstairs, and as we were learning in the program, honesty is the key.”
Measured Response, Positive Discipline
She first asked TJ if he was OK, and when he responded affirmatively, she asked, “What happened?” He admitted that he was playing basketball and it hit the TV, which was broken beyond repair.
She calmly and firmly told him that basketball was meant to be played outdoors.
“I said, ‘You know you can’t do that in the house,’ and he said, ‘Yes ma’am.’ Then he asked, ‘Am I going to be grounded?’ I said, ‘Oh yeah, you’re grounded now. But as long as you’re OK, it’s OK.”
AJ, who’s now 12, knew from his SFP weekly lessons that honesty was the best response. He didn’t try to craft an elaborate explanation of how the TV ended up on the ground.
“I was thinking I’m going to get in trouble so I might as well tell the truth and it wouldn’t be a bigger situation than it already is,” he said.
He also had to cut back on his video-game play and adhere to a more regular post-school routine. But she did get the TV set replaced quickly with a new one, and she definitely shared the story within her SFP parenting group as a lesson in how the program has applied to her life as she raises her young grandson. The parent meetings explain through interactive lessons and discussions the best ways to interact positively with children, which includes showing enthusiasm, praising good behavior, and providing consistent discipline that leads to reasonable consequences.
“Usually I would have just exploded, but I used the tools that I have,” she said.
Keeping the Strength in Their Family
Since their graduation from the program cycle managed by Growing Home Southeast at Hand Middle School, Henrietta and TJ have enjoyed a better relationship.
“We’ve been doing good,” Henrietta said. “You know, I don’t rip off on him as much and he does tell me the truth now. He does use his honesty, and I appreciate that. Like he got in a little bit of trouble at school, and he said, ‘Ma, let me explain.’ So he explained it. … I mean, I’ve learned so much in this program, so me and TJ are better friends.”
TJ learned plenty, too, in the children’s weekly SFP sessions, which focus on communication skills to improve relationships with parents, peers, and teachers, as well as dealing with criticism and anger through coping skills.
“You have to think about what you’re doing first before you do it. That helped me a lot about,” he said. “Like if I do something, I can tell the truth, stop, and think about what’s going to happen before I tell a lie or do something wrong.”
Even today, Henrietta continues to promote SFP to her peers every chance she gets, relaying the value it has brought to her life and encouraging other families to take part. And she also keeps seeing the benefits months later.
“I still use the tools and contact the people there because they’re awesome,” she said. “When I was going through something with TJ – he’s on an IEP (individualized educational plan) – and I didn’t have the information. So I called them, and they connected me with somebody that can help me. They’re still helping me without me being in the program.”